Life is hard, but with the right person by your side, things seem a little easier. Who is this right person? How and when will you meet him? We all have these questions in our mind. We know a few things for sure:
- Right Person is the one we feel comfortable with!
- No one person is perfect, we got to make compromises and accept people for their good and bad.
- There will be times when you do find the right person, but the timing would suck!
We meet many people before we find the one for us. I am one of those few people who got a chance to explore my choices (Although I strongly feel, I hardly explored). I know what is like to lose love, the little joys of being in a relationship, the fears, the struggles & the excitement. Here is an open letter to every boyfriend:
How are you? I know we spoke this morning and last night as well yet I still feel the need to know if you’re okay because I genuinely care about you. Please don’t feel agitated by my constant need to know if you’re feeling okay.
Before I say or express anything, I want you to know that you are a wonderful human being. I have always admired the way you look at the world and things which is why I fell in love with you. Do you remember the first time we started talking? Our first conversation over text messages? We initially started with flirtatious messages, and I almost thought you were like any other boy. We flirted back & forth for a few days. Then came the night when we first talked for the entire night and that’s when I realized that you weren’t like any other guy! You told me about your dreams & hopes, about the time your heart was crushed, you revealed your little fears about life, and how you feel so strongly about football. That very night, I started to like you. As time passed, you put in a lot of efforts into our conversations and that’s what compelled me to agree for our first date. The date I will never forget! You might not remember the details, but I sure do! I remember what you wore, where we went, what we talked about & even what we ate. I was anxious because I wasn’t sure if you’d call me back after the date or simply ghost me but then you texted me and I felt a sudden rush of happiness. I always tell you that I have been sure about us since the beginning, but the truth is I haven’t! I wasn’t sure about you, about us until our first I love you. I am sorry about being so skeptical, but my past experiences have been really unnerving. Well, you certainly did manage to change my mind!
There are things I have been meaning to say, but I always hold myself back because I fear they might hurt you. I fear to lose you over stupid thoughts in my mind. I have expressed these feelings in the past but, ended up getting deserted. I want to take this chance with you!
I know you want to take things slow, but I look forward to having a future with you. It may or may not happen but, what’s the harm in thinking about it? I hope this doesn’t make you feel claustrophobic.
I do trust you, but I feel insecure a lot! I feel scared when you talk about other girls when you tell me how beautiful & intelligent are. It is almost like maybe I am not enough for you. I may act angry, but I am just terrified. You keep telling me that you aren’t going anywhere, yet the thought petrifies me! I sometimes secretly stalk you over social media which I know isn’t right, but it really helps me calm down. It’s not like I don’t have faith in you, but it just somehow helps to calm down my anxiety.
I sometimes peep into your phone while you’re texting! I know how erroneous that is, but it gives me relief & comfort that I trust the correct person.
There is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you for a very long time- Why don’t you express yourself often? This one thing is what I definitely do not like about you! How am I supposed to know that you’re jealous of my male friends or that you stressed out about work? You can’t always sleep over things! I need to know every time you’re sad, angry, jealous, happy or excited. I can sense these things, but I still would like to hear them from you. Since you don’t say them, it makes me feel like you don’t care enough or consider me an important part of your life.
Another thing which makes me feel really anxious is why do you feel the need to hide me from your friends? I know it’s irrational and immature to complain about something like this because all your close friends know but, all my friends know about you! Just saying!
There are little things you do which annoy me. When we spend the day together, why do you keep checking the match scores on your phone? I know it’s important, but it’s not like we meet every day. Why is it so easy for you to sleep immediately after we’ve had a fight because I keep thinking about it all night! Since we started dating, you eventually stopped taking efforts. I am not asking for constant validation, but for a little compliment every now & then doesn’t hurt.
And the most important thing- Why don’t you understand that there is a thin line between appreciating someone and flirting with them? When a guy sends me a text saying I look pretty, it’s flirting! When you text a girl saying that she looks pretty, that is appreciating? What is that about? Also, please do not check out girls while we are together or be smart enough to do it in a way that I don’t notice. I don’t like when you tell me that what I’m thinking or saying makes no sense! Please try to scrutinize things with my perception.
Things I Love
Way too much nagging? Well, there more things I love about you than the number of things which irk me. I love the way you look at me when I crack silly jokes, I love how you get angry when someone says something wrong about me, I love it when you listen to me talk about the futile fights I have with my friends, I love it when you reply to my texts in the middle of the football match, I love it how you give me such good career advice, I love it when you call in the middle of the day & I love it when you tell me honestly about things I’ve been wrong about!
All these things make me fall for you even more with every passing day. No matter how crazy I am, no matter how much I overthink things & no matter how troublesome I am, you love me. It all makes me feel like I have a responsibility towards you, responsibility to make you happy.
You don’t have to be worried about guys being interested in me, I want you! I need to know- Do you feel the same about me? Just need to be assured that you’d hold me the same way in the future and that my little lunatic things wouldn’t drive you away!
I have had a rough past and so have you, but I am still very hopeful that we will last. Do you feel the same? I guess it will always be uncertain, but I’d like to know that there is hope, the same feeling in your heart!
P.S. I Hope None of This Makes You Feel Uncomfortable! Forgive me for being so ambivalent. I can’t be flawless, but I am trying to be the best version of myself for you.
You’re definitely are my MUSE.
Your Anxious Girlfriend.