They say marriages are made in heaven and once you are married, then the relationship sticks for 7 births! But they don’t say anything at all about divorces? Where do they come from? With a divorce, one of the beliefs is shattered – marriages are not meant to last for 7 upcoming births. This is a reality. Some marriages are meant to last for a little while and that’s ok. If the partners are “no more happy” with each other, they should part ways, rather than staying with each other under one roof and constantly bickering and leading a negative life. Divorce is a legal document which states that the husband and wife are now free from each other.
But the challenge strikes when the divorced partners have kids. Many divorced parents have to fight for the custody of their kids and that’s the most painful part of this process. It becomes a bit tough for the kids to digest the fact that their families are not like the families of other friends around. They start feeling a difference in the behavior of their parents and are sometimes difficult to talk to. For a long time, they don’t understand who would be a better friend and guide to them – the mom or the dad.
The mind of the kids are innocent and remember that the excruciating experience in childhood often shapes the personality and attitude of the kids. Being parents, you should thus avoid doing these following things to your kids:
Never Badmouth About Your Ex-Partner
Kids always idolize their parents. So, when you badmouth about your ex-wife or husband in front of your kids, it becomes confusing for them. Their mind gets tossed up and they cannot decide who is good and who is bad. Rather than drawing parameters of good and bad, be simple and normal with your kids. Give an atmosphere to your kids where they respect both their mom and dad in spite of separation. If you provoke your kids to hate their mom or dad, it will come back to you someday. Keep the environment peaceful and let your kids grow in an amiable atmosphere. Otherwise, this constant squabbling may result in loss of concentration in studies or aggressive behavior at school, etc.
Never Miss The Family Gatherings
It is tough to face the same old people who are legally not a part of your being but perhaps with them you have countless memories. They are related to your kids – some are their grandparents, some are uncles, aunties, cousins, etc. So, never let your kid miss the opportunity of being a part of the family even when you are divorced. It was not the fault of your kids that you and your partner couldn’t stay together so be graceful and tactful!
Talk To Your Children About Divorce
It should be always you who talk to your children about your divorce. Your kid should not listen to it form someone outside in the society or from any relative. Choose your words well and explain your situation to your kids. Your kids will understand surely and with time learn to cope with reality too. But always be open to talking to them about any question regarding your marital status.
A Happy Face Is Important
Divorce is quite naturally not one of the nicest things especially when you have kids. But it is also the best thing to happen when you are not happy in your marriage. It is a phase that leaves you with many questions for your partner and you will definitely face your weakest self during this time. You will want to shout, cry, and break things. But whenever your kid is around, try to put up a happy face because if you behave abnormally in front of your kid, that will play with his/her mind badly. Keep your emotional outbursts in front of your friends, chosen relatives, or therapists and when facing your kids, behave normally.
Literally Move On
Moving on is very important and serves as a good example in front of your kids. As mentioned earlier, kids venerate their parents and seeing you move on in life will make your kids confident enough to face challenges of life. He/she will learn that “bad times come, bad relationships happen, but one needs to enjoy life by overcoming all these”.