Marriage they say is the union of two loving souls who have dreamed to spend their life together. But in India, it is a lot more. You have to fall in love with your spouse and then also own and love his/her family. Thanks to Ekta Kapoor, the dramatic saas-bahu (MIL & DIL) relationship in India is known to the world now. There are some families where the MIL-DIL stay in unison, agree to each other mostly and live a quarrel-free life. And then there are some families (read most) where the MIL-DIL share a “not so comfortable”, melodramatic, and torturous life. It is true that you cannot clap with one hand but again it is also a truth of our society that a DIL can hardly become a daughter in true sense.
A melodramatic MIL is one of the toughest persons to live with. Because she will have a problem with anything and everything under the sun and her favorite person to blame is her DIL. The same MIL will react differently when her own daughter complains to her about her MIL. In case, you are living with a melodramatic Saasu-Maa, here are some life-saving tips and tricks.
Be Friendlier To Your MIL’s MIL:
In case the mother-in-law of your MIL is alive, you can be friendlier to her. She will love you because now the older MIL can see the performance of your MIL. Believe me, the older MIL will tell you many tales when your MIL was new to the family. You can sometimes bitch about your mother-in-law in front of the older MIL and she will understand you better. You will come to know about many secrets and weaknesses of your MIL and that will always work as a positive tip. Use these secrets as a weapon when your mom-in-law is trying to prove you wrong or trying to humiliate you in front of other relatives.
Don’t Quit Your Job:
Always remember that you have a life and identity beyond this family and thus never ever quit your job. Taking a leave for some time after marriage and living a proper Indian family life where the daughter-in-law gets up early, does the Puja, and serves the breakfast cannot actually save you. Because your melodramatic MIL will find less sugar in tea & less salt and more pepper in food – every time you prepare them. All these constant complaints will leave you in a frenzy. So, when being a docile housewife is not helping you lead a happy domestic life, then, why not start your job again?
Go back to the office and change your focus to better yourself at work. You will have lesser problems at home. She will still fuss because you are now going out and balancing both home and office – but your achievements at your workplace will be your reward at the days end that will give you some sanity. And most importantly, you will be away from home for a good 8-10 hours and that definitely means less of melodrama in your life.
Don’t Take Her Words Personally:
Make a habit of ignoring what she says mostly. If you learn not to take her words personally, you will lead a peaceful life. So what she complains about your food or cleanliness. Just live your own life and when she starts her complains or creates a scene – make a straight face or put your earphones or give the excuse of your children’s homework’s, etc.
Don’t Visit Often:
It is really a boon if you stay away from your melodramatic MIL in some other locality or city. In case, your husband has the habit of visiting her every weekend and you cannot say him directly, then, start making excuses of your PPT, doctors appointment, Yoga class, cleaning home, etc. The more you visit, the more you give the change to your MIL to eat away your mental peace. And like all melodramatic MIL, your MIL also thinks her son is snatched by a witch-like you – right? So, let your hubby enjoy her mamma time for the weekend.
Remember A Gift On All Occasions:
Never ever forget the big to small occasions at all. Your “full of drama” MIL will get new chances to humiliate you. So, keep reminders on your phone at least a week before the “important dates” so that you have time to go shopping and buy the best gifts for her. Meeting her occasionally and that too with nice gifts would cool her down.
Sometimes Dish It Back To Her:
Every individual comes with a set of limitations and strengths. So, when she has touched that maximum limit of patience, just give it back to her. Always remember, the more you stay silent and tolerate her high-end drama, the more she will be powerful. So, when you give her a piece of your mind – she will mind a distance which will retain normalcy in your family.
Talk It Out:
No other tip can be as helpful as this one. Clear cut communication between the two of you may change your relationship dynamics totally. Your husband loves his mom and loves you too. Any average Indian MIL has thought that her son has changed drastically because of the DIL. Let her know that you realize your husband is her child and the obvious behavioral change is not easy for her. And then follow the conversation by letting her know about certain things that you won’t compromise on. It can anything like – you don’t want tips from her how to raise kids; you want her to call you in advance and let you know of her arrival, or questioning you for not packing lunch every day for your husband.
There are chances that if you let her know your thoughts in a calm conversation, she might change her attitude towards you.