Aunties! One thing that scares every millennial to their guts! Aunties have the power to ruin your lives and make you look like Komalika, destroying your Tulsi like Image. But, they also add extra spice and drama to your boring lives. The reason you dread them is “What if that drama she chooses to talk about is from my life?”
Let’s take a look at the most irksome aunties we all have:
1) The One Who Runs the Monarchy of Gossip
This aunty is the most frightening one! Whenever you spot her, you run for your life because she is going to dig up some deep dirt on you as well. She is going to follow your every move, wait for you to do something which is not acceptable to her narrow brain, and then go around telling an exaggerated version of the story!
She is the one who is secretly observing everyone at a family function sneakily and judging them like it’s her moral duty.
If you need to dig up dirt on one of your cousins, or need some kind of entertainment in your dull life, you go to her for some guilty pleasure.
“Aunty ji, please get a real hobby! Have you ever heard this Jiyo aur Jeene Do Phrase Aunty?”
2) The Curious One
When you spot her, you run! She has to know everything from what you ate for breakfast to what are your views on a random social issue. If they catch you, they are going to ask you everything like What are your future plans? What is your salary? When do you plan to get married? Who are your friends? Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? Etc.
She just won’t stop asking you questions, you may feel like you’re playing Kaun Banega Crorepati with her. At a family function, you may spot her at a corner, asking questions to one of her victims!
“Rehem Karo Aunty Ji!”
3) The Superior Mrs. NRI Aunty
We all have many relatives around the globe, but there is this one aunt who feels that because she lives outside India, she is superior to the other people in the family. When you meet her, she would just keep bragging about how the country she lives in is so much better than India. How she catches allergies every time she visits India, and how the Indian air is full of pollutants!
She’d is often found showing off her broken English skills she learnt after years of practice and flaunt her horrifying Amreeecan Fashion Sense.
We get it aunty! You are very modern and we are just peasants, aunty. We get it!
4) The One With Perfect Kids
As per this aunty, there is no one better than her kid! She would not let any opportunity wasted to show off her sneaky little son. She spots someone dancing? My son can dance better!
Someone performing well academically? Well her son just got into IIT!
No matter what it is, her children are better than the other kids in the family.
As per this aunty, her children are always right & haven’t committed a single sin in their life.
Hey, wait! Aunty isn’t that your son behind the trees, smoking a joint?
5) The Walking Matrimonial Site
Run for your lives! This aunty has a rishta for everyone. You just turned 21? You’re on her list now! They are never short of rishtas and it’s their life goal to get everyone hitched.
At family functions you’ll find these aunties enquiring about everyone about their marriage plans, asking everyone if they have anyone in their life & offering rishtas like sweets!
“Nahi Aunty! My life goal is not to find a rich husband! And I definitely do not need your help to find a husband.”
6) The Trendy Social Media Stalker Aunty
This aunty has the latest iPhone and is on every social media app. She once innocently started from Facebook and now she is addicted to every social media app ever! She sends you good morning & goodnight quotes on WhatsApp every day & she stalks your every move on social media and whenever you meet her, she would ask you right in front of your parents “Beta use din kaha party kar rahe the?”
And in case if her Facebook request is pending, she’ll keep asking you about it!
“Aunty when you are already so fantasized about the internet, why not use it to understand the basic notions of acceptance & privacy!”
7) The Know-It-All Wise Aunty
“Beta humne duniya dekhi h!”
She has a way of doing things, and it is definitely better than the way you are doing it! This aunty goes about giving free pieces of advice, especially when no one asked her. She will give her unasked advice about cooking, raising children, fashion and career!
“Aunty, thanks for the advice but would have been better if someone asked for it.”
8) The Lazy Guest Aunty
This aunty never does anything! When you visit her, she would make you feel like she’s at your house, when it is the other way round. At a family get together when everyone is working, you would find her either reading the newspaper or standing in the kitchen, eating cookies while gossiping. And if she is visiting you for the weekend, well she definitely means 1 week!
“Aunty, please teach me how do you avoid working?”
9) The Drama is Life Aunty
She can make a scene out of everything! She can crib about things like, why didn’t you cook paneer for us but did when the other aunty visited?
She’d be hugging you and crying every time, crying when someone opposes her viewpoint, cries when someone misses out saying Hi to her.
Attention is her drug & drama is her way out!
“Keep going! You are entertaining!”
10) The Life is a Race Aunty
For her, everything is a competition! Did you get 90% in Boards? Well her son got 101%!
Did someone get a Merc? Well, she would buy Audi! Someone said they’re tired? Well, she hasn’t slept in years!
No matter what it is, she will compete. She has this weird need to win everything! She craves Victory.
“You Go Girl!”
11) The Maya Sarabhai
With her high profile kitty party stories, and bragging about how she has met every Indian Celebrity. She is a threat to the NRI aunty! She would swank about all of the places she has been to, all brands she has & her sophisticated lifestyle.
“Insert any Indravadan Sarabhai Quote!”
12) The Funny Modern One
Well, she simply doesn’t understand fashion but as per her, she is the most fashionable person in this universe! She would wear really funny clothes and keep asking everyone how they’re looking.
“I really admire you confidence aunty but it hurts my eyes!”
Well, you cannot escape them, and each one of these aunties have their own unique way of burning your soul and at times your ear & eyes too! But life wouldn’t be the same without them. They bring much-needed drama to your lives!