Like every year, you must have planned a lavish Diwali get-together with your clan – exchanging gifts, playing indoor games, greeting the guests wearing the gorgeous clothes, praying during the Puja, gorging on lip-smacking food & desserts, & heading out for the latest Bollywood release!

This is primarily the plan of every Indian since the mid-’90s. With the turn of the century, the Diwali Dhamaka of Bollywood just got bigger. Baazigar, Hum Aapke Hai Koun, DDLJ, Dil To Pagal Hai, Mohabbatein, Veer-Zaara, Golmaal 3, Fashion, etc. all these blockbusters were Diwali releases and Biggest Hits of the year. As a nation, every one of us expects a lot from Bollywood when it comes to extended weekend offs merging with a big festival. So, did you all like Thugs of Hindostan? Are you excited to share your emotions after watching this movie? Call me a movie-pundit or movie buff, since the time Yashraj announced this movie, it was a flop in my head for reasons you would read in the following lines.

Now, here is my opinion (to which you all would agree) why the people of India didn’t accept Thugs of Hindostan:

Content Is King

Just before I started writing this pseudo-review of TOH, I read that Badhai Ho has proudly joined the 200 crore club. I hope you got what I want to prove here. Content is king – without a good story or content, you simply cannot expect people to make fool of themselves. TOH had zero content – a Khudabaksh is faithful and a Firangi is unfaithful and they had no backup story to sympathize with their current mood. I guess the writer, director, screenplay writer, Mr. Vijay Krishna Acharya was absolutely not interested to tell a story. When a movie lacks a story, why would the verdict be HIT?

Script Failed To Follow A Story

The aim of any movie is to tell a story. One, two, or even multiple characters are given a goal in movies to reach a certain destination or conclusion. Here, the biggest flaw of TOH is that the script failed to follow a certain story. Be it Khudabaksh, Firangi, Zafira, Shanichar, or Suraiyya – the script doesn’t give prominence or clarity to anyone. In various points, that’s why the audiences felt like: “Arrey bolna kya chahte ho” just like the professor of 3 Idiots!

Characters & Actors

TOH would always be remembered as the biggest mistakes of Aamir Khan and Amitabh Bachchan. When stalwarts like them can be a part of such a glorified mistake, Katrina & Fathima are minions! The character called Zafira is introduced as someone whose parents were killed by the Britishers & she is desperate to take a revenge. So, she underwent training from Khudabaksh but she is not given dialogue for a good 1 hour to the movie. Ila Arun gets to speak before she can!

Shanichar or Zeeshan Ayub is introduced as a human folly artist who can mimic sounds of anything & everything existing in Nature but he does nothing more than comic relief here in TOH – again a great actor spoilt big time! Suraiyya played by Katrina appears 4 times in TOH out of which 2 are for songs and 2 times for mouthing some non-veg lines. Somewhere in the maze of strict “non-sense”, I wondered “Arrey Katrina ayi thi naa screen pe abhi”. She simply vanishes after dancing.

Intelligence Test

Ok so, people from Britain, when ruled over India, learned the local language to help their stay in India. Now, my intelligence says when the Britishers are talking to villagers, they can speak in Hindi but why would they speak Hindi among themselves? The dialogue writer went too dramatic and gave lines like – “Sher ka shikaar karne ke liye bakri ko bandhna padhta hai”. Really! A Britisher is so fluent in Hindi that he even talks comfortably using idioms which seldom any average Indian would do!

Zafira is trained so amazingly under Khudabash that she targets to kill three or four men using her bow and arrows – hang on – her arrows were placed vertically and the men were standing horizontally! Fathima was clearly uncomfortable in this character. Raunakpur is shown somewhere in Central India – but tell me where do you get a sea in Central India? Maybe VKA & Aditya Chopra had a customized Map of India where they live.

No Masala (Spice)

Come on, we all love Masala movies at least during a big festival. TOH felt like a steamed momo made by a first-time cook who forgot to put on the stove. There were star actors to pull the crowd, money from a generous producer, technicians to create an ancient India, but “no spice” was there to cook them, no not even salt to stir-fry them.

Overuse of Aamir Khan

I felt Aamir Khan was over-used in the so-called script. He is either running away or mouthing non-stop jokes and dialogues which would bore you. Aamir Khan is an actor par excellence and his track record of making good movies is a proof of that. Take Dangal or Secret Superstar, he played character actors and made the movies memorable. It is obviously not his fault that he was overused in the movie. The audience won’t mind seeing more of him on screen, but that presence has to be for some reason – right? Here in TOH, it was all baseless.

Big Budget

I read an article that while the concept (I wonder which one!) of the movie was brought on the table, the budget that was decided was 90 crores! But while filming, the budget went up to 260 crores (170 crores extra). It would have been a lot easier to collect the money if the budget was less by some 100 crores. I am still scratching my head, where was the money spent? Surely, it is a lesson for Mr. Aditya Chopra. Next time, he must spend some 5-10 crores to get a brain replacement for Mr. Vijay Krishna Acharya before signing another 3 film deal with him.

Mr. Vijay Krishna Acharya

And finally, its time to talk about the “Man of the Hour”. He is currently “India’s Most Wanted”. Everyone is looking for him. See, guys, he has made “Tashan” and “Dhoom 3” and so I was 300% confident that he would come up with another brainless, spineless, and mindless crap. And he didn’t let me down at all. He deserves a big salute for cheating Aditya Chopra thrice & Aamir twice! And had the guts to fool Amitabh Bachchan too! His future in Bollywood hangs by a tiny thread and who knows we may see his exit soon or now! So, dear Vijay Krishna Acharya, please rest for some time or go for a vacation and come back with something worthwhile!

Thugs of Hindostan is a flop with a historical record which is hard to break. This is the highest ever opening any Hindi film ever had – 56 crores! The following day had half of it – 28 crores! In the end, I would like to ask you all, if you understood who were the Thugs of Hindostan? If anyone knows the answer, please let me know. I had a brain attack after watching TOH.